So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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