I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
