just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
