My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
