Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have tasted many bathrooms
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
