My sheets look like a crime scene.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
