i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude i'm inner monologue high
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
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Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
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We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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