apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
