Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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