i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
