Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
