Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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