He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
