Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well you can't waste a boner
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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