I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
