May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
