theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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