there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
