Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
