I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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