hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
