You can't special order awesome
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
