why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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