I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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