I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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