I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
