Pants 0. Shit 1.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
