The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
