well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
