Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
