dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
