That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
