You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
