She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
