my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
