his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
