After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
