I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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