Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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