I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
we should paint friendship bongs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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