This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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