Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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