whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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