So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
