She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
