This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
