This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
