Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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