I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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