so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
