eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
love makes seman taste better
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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