so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
