I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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