God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
