Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
