When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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