wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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