I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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