yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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