Texts From Last Night

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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair

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  (316): Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair http://tfl.nu/yhl2
  Replies (20) Good night (819) Bad night (4125)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.

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  (913): Her vagina was like a man-sized safe. http://tfl.nu/e508
  Replies (10) Good night (655) Bad night (3510)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

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  (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a
  Replies (44) Good night (2235) Bad night (6235)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??

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  (203): is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore?? http://tfl.nu/voom
  Replies (42) Good night (1231) Bad night (10398)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

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  (814): so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar? http://tfl.nu/t8an
  Replies (16) Good night (1587) Bad night (5395)
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  (619): View more from California

  my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.

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  (619): my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew. http://tfl.nu/qfs0
  Replies (35) Good night (8573) Bad night (2085)
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  (914): View more from New York

  im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl

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  (914): im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl http://tfl.nu/i1d7
  Replies (15) Good night (1011) Bad night (5129)
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  (343): View more from Ontario

  I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time

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  (343): I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time http://tfl.nu/okao
  Replies (3) Good night (3216) Bad night (960)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother

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  (240): It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother http://tfl.nu/obkn
  Replies (5) Good night (882) Bad night (3029)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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  (724): So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress. http://tfl.nu/pksn
  Replies (7) Good night (4158) Bad night (751)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...

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  (419): You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter... http://tfl.nu/2dxo
  Replies (10) Good night (1673) Bad night (848)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?

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  (706): It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from? http://tfl.nu/d0ez
  Replies (7) Good night (1312) Bad night (464)
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  (347): View more from New York

  And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult

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  (347): And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult http://tfl.nu/hnba
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (363)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  "I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it

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  (540): "I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it http://tfl.nu/ekfu
  Replies (1) Good night (512) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused

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  (570): I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused http://tfl.nu/qxtz
  Replies (3) Good night (391) Bad night (251)

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