Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me