just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
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