so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.