There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
