I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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