Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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