i was born a porn star she said
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
