THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
