the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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