Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
