im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
