I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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