:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
