sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My dick has a subreddit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
