youre lurking in front of me
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
